


In the Month of May

by GoldenTruth813



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Auror Teddy Lupin, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Denial of Feelings, Embarrassment, Enchanted Mirrors, Family Dynamics, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, Harry Potter Next Generation, Head Auror Harry Potter, Intercrural Sex, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Quidditch Player James Sirius Potter, Romance, Switching, good dad Harry, nude charity calendar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 14:10:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17408366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenTruth813/pseuds/GoldenTruth813
Summary: James and Teddy are best mates. Teddy doesn’t see anything out of the ordinary about the fact that he is attracted to James; as far as he’s concerned, the entire world must be. But when James poses nude for a charity calendar, the walls of denial Teddy’s built around his heart begin to crumble.





	In the Month of May

**Author's Note:**

> This was just going to be a short little smutty thing but the story had a mind of its own.
> 
> Thank you so much to violetclarity for the alpha read and talking through plot things with me, to aibidil for the amazing beta and letting me flail at you as I wrote and thealmostrhetorical for answering my endless random brit questions and the britpick.

Teddy was late. Fuck, Teddy was always late.

He looked at his watch and sighed. It was already half past nine, which meant James would be on his second round of drinks by now. If Lily had shown up this week, she’d be well on her way to being tipsy enough to wax poetic about her ill-fated decision to attend Oxford straight after leaving Hogwarts—which she loved even though she adamantly refused to admit it for reasons Teddy couldn’t fathom—and Scorpius and Albus would probably both still be nursing their first drinks and making doe eyes at each other while stoutly pretending they weren’t. Honestly, how those two hadn’t realised what was between them was beyond Teddy. He didn’t know how on earth you could be arse over tit in love with your best mate, while they clearly felt the same, and not realise it.

Teddy momentarily considered heading home and skipping pub night this week. He had a headache-inducing amount of paperwork to catch up on tomorrow, even though it was the weekend and he would much rather be spending two days with his face buried in his pillows and not in a pile of eye numbingly boring reports. Besides, it wasn’t like he’d promised to go this week; it’s not like anyone would be mad at him for skipping out. Pub night was more of an informal thing—every Friday night, whoever was in town and not too busy with school or work would be at their local for a drink and a catch-up. Sometimes everyone was there, though more often than not it was only James and Teddy, and as much as Teddy loved the loud nights full of good friends and laughter, there was something he infinitely preferred about the nights it was only him and James—elbow to elbow as James’s laughter roared in his ears.

Teddy had a lot of perfectly good reasons to head home and get an early night—in addition to the paperwork, he was completely out of hangover potions—but then he thought of James. He thought of the way James muffled his laughter in his hands when he’d had a bit too much to drink, and the warm flush on his cheeks when he squeezed into the booth next to Teddy closer than was necessary, and he realised his decision was made. No matter what stressors weighed on Teddy, a night with James was always guaranteed to make them better, not worse. Even if he had to suffer the consequences and deal with his neglected paperwork while hungover. It’d be worth it. James had a way of making the people around him feel happy and at ease, and Teddy needed that after a week of bureaucratic bullshit and dead-end cases. Especially since James had been training extra hard this week and had therefore been too tired to come to Teddy’s flat after practice and eat all Teddy’s food and steal the remote.

Decision made, Teddy stood from his chair and made quick work of removing his Auror robes. Hanging them on the large hook by the bookshelf, he grabbed his wand out of the side pocket and cast a Cleaning Charm at his rumpled jeans and t-shirt—an outfit he might’ve possibly slept in last night and then not had time to change out of before running to work this morning—then shoved the wand in his back pocket.

Teddy spun on his heels, taking one last cursory glance in the oversized enchanted mirror hung behind his desk. Technically, the mirror was Auror property and was supposed to have been filed away in Artifacts and Evidence nearly a fortnight ago, but Teddy kept dragging his feet about taking it to Wilhelmina in the Office for Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects. He’d had it in his office for months as he tested different spells and ensured it wasn’t cursed. Once it was no longer relevant to his case, Robards had told him to get rid of it. The thing was, though, to Teddy’s knowledge—and very thorough diagnostic spell work—the mirror was completely harmless, and for reasons he couldn’t explain, he liked having it in his office. He was used to it being there and shouting unwanted style advice at him. Every time he got close enough to pull the mirror down, he felt a weird pang at the idea of it being shoved away in the evidence storerooms—even if it sometimes barked out advice he didn’t want or gave him piss-poor suggestions about what to wear. He knew it was ridiculous; it was only a mirror. It wasn’t as if it had feelings. But Teddy’d always had a soft spot for things no one else wanted, and the idea of something so beautiful and so rich with enchantments and sentient magic being catalogued and shoved in the Auror storeroom for decades until the higher-ups decided what to do with it made Teddy feel wonky.

“Too neat, dear.It’s a Friday night, get wild.” The mirror’s surface shimmered as the words echoed in the small office.

Teddy snorted. It seemed like the only time the ruddy mirror had anything to say about his hair was when Teddy was going to see James. He ran his fingers through it to mess it up a bit, shaking his head and watching his reflection—his hair lengthened a few inches, the chestnut brown turning a brilliant shade of sky blue, the tips darkening until they were a deep navy.

“Much better, dear, you’re sure to bring someone home tonight looking like that.”

“I’m not looking to bring anyone home,” Teddy grumbled.

He was halfway to the door, grabbing his leather jacket off the back of the chair, when the mirror piped up one last time.

“Lovely hair, dear. The exact shade of the Tutshill Tornados team uniform—the eldest Potter’s team, isn’t it? Very subtle, Auror Lupin.”

“Oh shut up!” Teddy shouted, tugging on his jacket and slamming his office door with a bit more force than necessary.

***~*~***

Teddy was halfway to their regular booth in the back corner when he saw James catch sight of him, his face spreading into an easy grin that warmed Teddy more than the overcrowded pub. He moved through the throngs of people milling around the bar and stuffed into too small tables, sidestepping a group of goblins angrily waving their arms about as they drank too much stout, and sidled past a group of witches reading tarot cards near the bar before he made it to the table. It looked to be a small group tonight, just James and Albus.

“Sorry I’m late,” Teddy said, removing his jacket.

“You’re not late; you’re just in time to help me. Please, for the love of Merlin, talk some sense into James,” Albus said a bit too loudly, raising his pint glass to his mouth and taking a deep drink of his beer. “He’s going to make a complete arse of himself.”

Teddy raised questioning eyebrow at James, who shrugged as he scooted towards the wall to make room beside him. There was plenty of space next to Albus, as well, but he didn’t move a muscle, as if they all already knew the only place Teddy would sit were beside James.

“No one can talk sense into James; he doesn’t have any,” Teddy said teasingly as he dropped down onto the bench, ruffling James’s hair playfully before tossing his right arm on the back of the booth behind James, his forearm resting against James’s shoulders.

Teddy bent his arm as he moved his thumb to the back of James’s neck almost unconsciously, brushing it along the short hairs there for a brief moment before catching himself and stretching his arm all the way out. James, however, seemed to relax at the contact, exhaling a deep breath before dropping his head back on Teddy’s arm, closing his eyes and stretching his long legs out beneath the table. His left leg pressed flush against Teddy's, and though there was plenty of space for Teddy to scoot over should he desire, he found had no inclination to do so. James’s leg was warm, and for once he wasn’t bouncing his body in excitement or agitation; Teddy rathered liked the almost-peaceful aura he exuded.

He found that, the older James got, the more he seemed to be calming down. Not that James was ever calm, at least not compared to other people. But Teddy rather liked the way James had settled into himself in the last year, with a kind of undeniably attractive quiet confidence. Not that Teddy was attracted to James like _that_. James was in the prime of his life with a promising Quidditch career and the kind of fame most people could only dream of. James didn’t seem to have the time or desire for a relationship, and even if he did, he was still _James_ —Teddy’s best mate, who ate all his food and didn’t seem to know the meaning of personal space and was the only person who seemed to think Teddy was funny. But it didn’t hurt anything for Teddy to admit to himself that he found James fit and enjoyed spending time with him.

Gone was the person James had been at sixteen, constantly needing to be the loudest person in the room, as if to prove he deserved to be wherever he was. That James has been replaced by a man who, at twenty-one, was not only almost universally acknowledged as one of the league's best Quidditch players, but also considered the wizarding world’s Most Eligible Bachelor three years running. (ToTeddy’s immense pride and surprise, James took it all with a cheeky smile and a faint blush.) James was talented and attractive and he knew it, but he never let it get to his head or acted as if he were above anyone else. A trait that, in anyone else, Teddy would find incredibly attractive. There was nothing like a strong man or woman who was as humble as they were talented.

“James is going to do something from which there is no coming back,” Albus surmised as he took another drink of his beer and stared at Teddy without blinking, shaking Teddy from his reverie.

“It can’t be as bad as all that,” Teddy said, clearing his throat and shifting in his seat. He looked down at James and reminded himself that James could not read his mind.

“Albus is being a dramatic fucker,” James uttered, eyes still shut as he yawned. He nuzzled his head onto Teddy’s arm like a kneazle, his thick waves of auburn air tickling the sensitive skin of Teddy’s forearm. A pissed James was a sleepy James, and a sleepy James was usually a cuddly James. Teddy had lost count of how many times James had almost fallen asleep against him at the pub, and once he’d even fallen asleep standing up, his face buried in Teddy’s neck as Teddy had attempted to side-along him and James back to his place rather than deal with Harry and Ginny. It didn’t seem to matter that James was nearly twenty-two and had a steady career, they were his parents and the fact that he’d yet to move out meant they often treated him like he was still sixteen. Of course, when Teddy not so subtly suggested James get a flat of his own, James would always change the subject, insisting the arrangement was perfectly fine since James spent his every waking moment practising with his team or hanging out at Teddy’s flat and the only time he was at home was when he was actually sleeping. ven then most weekends found James crashed on Teddy’s sofa instead of making the so-called _harrowing journey_ through the Floo to Harry and Ginny’s. Teddy had no idea why his lumpy sofa would be preferable to a nice warm bed, but since James always knew exactly how he liked his coffee and cooked on the nights he slept over and was rather good company, well Teddy wasn’t at all inclined to challenge the status quo or to question James’s decisions.

“I am not being a dramatic fucker, I’m being your much-needed voice of reason since, clearly, Teddy isn’t going to do it,” Albus said with two raised eyebrows.

“Teddy can’t be the voice of reason if no one tells him what’s going on,” Teddy supplied, pleased to see the smile spread across James’s face as he cracked an eye open to peer at Teddy.

“I’m just doing a photoshoot. It’s not a big deal,” James said, opening his other eye to watch Teddy. His voice was warm and laced with mirth. Teddy couldn’t help but wonder how many beers James had before Teddy got there if he was already this relaxed and sleepy. James had always been a bit of a lightweight.

Albus snorted as he kicked James beneath the table, knocking James’s ankle into Teddy’s. “Not a big deal, he says! You’re taking your kit off for all of England! I’d say that’s a pretty big fucking deal.”

Teddy’s fingers were moving across the table towards James’s half full pint, but they stopped dead in their tracks at Albus’s words. An unexpected pain lanced his stomach as if he’d been hexed with a freezing spell.

“Not _all_ of England,” James countered. Though his voice was unaffected, Teddy couldn’t help but notice that his cheeks bloomed red, making the spray of freckles across the bridge of his nose particularly prominent as he shifted into a sitting position and rested his elbows on the table. Almost immediately, Teddy missed the tangible warmth of James’s body.

To Teddy’s disappointment, James did not turn back to look at him again, but rather continued to stare at the spot on the corner of the table where Albus had accidentally burned a hole into the top of the dark green table on a drunk dare on their first night here, nearly two years ago.

Teddy felt Albus’s eyes boring into him. “Well, aren’t you going to talk some sense into him, Teddy?”

Teddy lifted his eyes from the side of James’s face to look at Albus. “Can’t do that if I still don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”

Albus laughed in an almost self-deprecating way, popping a crisp in his mouth and chewing slowly. “Our little James here is doing a charity calendar to raise money for St Mungo’s.”

James still won’t look at him and instead runs his finger around the rim of his glass, the condensation pooling on the calloused pad of his pointer finger.

“Dunno what’s so bad about that,” Teddy answers, reaching out and plucking the beer from James. It wasn’t the kind of beer Teddy liked, too dark and bitter, but something about it reminded him of James so strongly he’d almost grown to like it. “Those charity things always do well. Harry did one years ago and it raised enough money to re-do the children’s wing.”

Teddy had long ago accepted the fact that the found James attractive, but the rush of unexpected emotions that made his heart race and his face flush were entirely unexpected. Truthfully, the idea of every witch and wizard in England lusting after James in a magazine made Teddy’s chest twinge uncomfortably. But since James wasn’t his partner he didn’t think what he thought mattered. That, and even if James were his, Teddy wouldn’t ever stop James from doing what he wanted to do.

“Yes, well, Dad’s was a bit different than James’s will be, if you get my drift.” Albus waggled his eyebrow in what Teddy could only assume was meant to be some sort of enlightening manner, but Teddy didn’t have a fucking clue what he was on about.

“Oh shut it, Albus. It’s just a calendar.” James’s neck was unnaturally red as he plucked his drink back from Teddy’s hands and drained the remaining half of his beer in one go.

“Just a calendar,” Albus snorted, shoving another crisp in his mouth.

Teddy took the opportunity to reach for Albus’s beer, instead, since James’s was apparently no longer up for sharing, what with it being empty and all.

“Is someone gonna tell me what the fuck is going on?” Teddy asked, lips just meeting the edge of the pint glass when Albus spoke again.

“It’s a _nude_ charity calendar.”

Teddy choked, spraying Albus and the table in a wash of two quid beer. James slapped him roughly on the back and Albus howled with laughter. James shot Albus a scathing look, handing Teddy a napkin to wipe his mouth with.

“This is officially the last time I tell you anything, Albus Severus.”

“A nude calendar?” Teddy interrupted, embarrassed at the high pitch of his voice.

“I told you,” Albus said in a self-satisfied tone, not at all helpfully. Teddy didn’t think he’d ever met anyone who enjoyed being right, or knowing something no one else knew, more than Albus. Teddy reached for his wand and discreetly cast a cleaning charm on himself and the table, though the prawn crisps were beyond saving. Albus shoved them to the side of the table with a disgusted frown.

“Sorry about that, I’ll buy you more,” Teddy offered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Albus shrugged, looking unconcerned. “Nah, it’s alright. It was my second packet, anyway. Besides, we need to discuss this naked calendar issue before James does something from which there will be no return.”

Teddy’s face flushed, though probably not for the reasons Albus or James suspected, as images of James spread out in various poses danced behind his eyes. James. James naked.

Beautiful, vivacious, definitely-not-Teddy’s James, naked.

“You’re being so dramatic, Albie. We were all born naked, anyway.”

“We were born covered in amniotic fluid, too, but you don’t see me walking around in that still. Born naked. Honestly.”

“You’re going to be completely in the nude?” Teddy asked, pleased that his voice didn’t betray him.

“Yup,” James answered without a clue what kind of effect that one simple word would have on Teddy.

It was honestly more than Teddy could bear—the rush of feelings he’d been doing everything in his power to push down the last few months threatening to ensnare him. The idea of James naked for all wizarding England to see left him feeling as if his world was suddenly quite off centre, like the time he’d been hit with an illegal _Levicorpus_ during duelling club in his seventh year.

It wasn’t that Teddy was jealous, exactly. Or he didn’t think he was. He wasn’t sure what to call the conflicting emotions swirling inside of him. James was his own person—his own person with an incredibly attractive body that thousands upon thousands of people were apparently going to be able to lay their own two eyes upon. The problem was that thinking about _other_ people seeing James naked made it impossible for Teddy not to think about how much _he_ would enjoy seeing James naked. And of course the idea of seeing James naked made it about ten thousand times harder for Teddy to pretend he didn’t want that.

That he didn’t want that and more. So much more than he should want or could ever have. James was his best mate in the entire world and his godbrother and Teddy absolutely was not supposed to fancy him, because that meant things could get messy and complicated and while Teddy knew nothing in the world could ever ruin his relationship with Harry, he wasn’t sure he could say the same about his relationship with James. And Teddy couldn’t bear to lose James.

Because James—fuck, James was _everything_.

James was the late-night takeaway they ordered after the Tornadoes won a game and James ended up on Teddy’s sofa instead of at a club with his teammates; James was the canister of lemon biscuits Teddy kept in his cupboard even though he hated them because they were James’s favorite; James was the laughter that echoed louder than the loneliness in Teddy’s heart. James was his best friend, the one person in the world Teddy wanted to be with even when he didn't want to be around himself. He made Teddy laugh and smile and wasn’t afraid of the messy or boring parts of Teddy that most people ended up disappointed in. A thing that usually happened when they found out that behind his wildly colored hair and bright smile was a stick in the mud whose idea of a good Friday night was watching reality telly in his ratty joggers eating leftover Chinese straight out of the container.

“You alright, Teds?” James asked, knocking his knee against Teddy’s beneath the table and shooting him a crooked grin that made his nose wrinkle up.

Teddy swallowed. “Fine,” he lied, knowing he was anything but.

“You’re not gonna try to talk me out of the photoshoot, then?” James asked, chewing on his bottom lip. Albus made a disgruntled noise from across the table, clearly trying to get their attention, but neither Teddy nor James spared him a look. Albus made an annoyed noise and Teddy had to fight back a laugh. For someone who hated attention, Albus sure got grouchy when he thought he was being ignored.

Teddy shook his head, eyes still glued to James. “It’s your body, Jamie. You can do whatever you want with it. Why would I try to stop you?”

“Because you have common sense!” Albus yelled. This time he kicked Teddy beneath the table. “Seriously, Teddy, I was counting on you to be the voice of reason here. You can’t honestly tell me you think it's a good idea for James to have his cock and arse on display for all of England.”

“I mean technically they said there will be strategic props so you won’t see _everything_ ,” James said.

“Oh lovely, so there will be a Quaffle in front of your balls,” Albus said, still sounding horrified. “I’ll be sure and tell Mum and Dad that.”

“Mum and Dad don’t care because I’m an adult and—”

“Because they don’t know yet,” Albus finished looking smug.

James snorted out a laugh. “That too.”

“When are you planning on telling them?” Teddy asked. “And uh...when is the photoshoot?”

James leaned back against the booth as he crossed his arms over his chest. “When the calendar comes out in a few weeks, and tomorrow.”

“Fucking naked charity calendar, oh Merlin help us all,” Albus sighed dramatically.

James made a rude gesture in Albus’s direction. Albus made an equally rude gesture back as he muttered something about whether the Snitch would be an adequate size to hide James’s balls, at which point Teddy allowed his mind to drift as Albus and James began to bicker over ball size.

Teddy swallowed, unable to adequately explain why the idea of seeing James naked, but only in photos—photos everyone else got to see too—made Teddy’s insides churn with. He supposed perhaps it was a small bit of jealousy, even if he didn't want to admit it.

Except Teddy didn’t want to be jealous, especially not of the entire fucking wizarding world. He already felt like an arsehole for fancying his younger godbrother. And yeah, technically James wasn’t really all that young anymore and Teddy had seen him more like a best mate rather than a young-almost-but-not-quite-family-little-godbrother for years now, but he still felt weird about it if he thought about it too long. Mostly because it was in Teddy’s nature to feel weird about all the things he wanted, or maybe it was just because all the things Teddy wanted lately seemed to involve James.

Either way, it made Teddy’s chest ache with uncertainty.

The last thing Teddy had expected when James had shown up in his Floo unannounced the week after he left Hogwarts over two years ago was for James to become the one person in Teddy's life he couldn’t live without. Teddy hadn’t minded James stopping by, but as it had become an everyday occurrence, he’d expected to eventually begin to feel annoyed by James’s presence. As an only child, while Teddy often craved some form of companionship he was also used to a large amount of privacy and personal space, neither of which were concepts James had ever seemed to understand. He remembered holidays and summers at the Potters’, where the company had been as joyful as it was overwhelming. So it had come as quite a shock to realise that, by the time the autumnal chill had set in the air, Teddy never wanted James to leave. James had started his position as reserve Seeker for the Tornados and, to Teddy’s great delight, still managed to spend several days a week camped out on Teddy’s sofa hogging his remote or seated at his small dining table in the kitchen eating all of Teddy’s food and making Teddy laugh so much his stomach hurt.

Somehow, in the span of just a few months, James had gone from someone Teddy sometimes enjoyed spending time with to someone Teddy wanted to spend _all_ of his time with. Someone who, two years later, Teddy could no longer imagine his life without. Someone who Teddy knew he wanted to be in his life forever, and therefore someone he absolutely could not risk fucking things up with.

Fuck.

The reality of the situation crashed down on Teddy with the force of a typhoon.

He fancied James. Like _really_ fancied James.

It wasn’t just that James was his best mate or that he was objectively handsome—if rock-hard abs, a winning smile, miles and miles of warm freckles and auburn curls were your thing.

It was that Teddy liked James at his best and his worst. Teddy liked James in his Quidditch gear as much as he did wearing a pair of Teddy’s old pyjamas that hung low on his hips and over his bare toes, the freckles at James’s collarbones on full display. They were especially prominent in Teddy’s clothing—in the oversized Weird Sisters t-shirt that always slipped off his shoulders on the days he was too lazy to Floo home for his own pyjamas and took Teddy’s instead. It was that he liked the way the coffee tasted better when James made it, and that he wanted to be on the receiving end of James’s brilliant smiles.

Teddy turned his eyes on James, who was now ignoring Albus’s tirade on the inferiority of the craft beers the pub had recently started to carry, eyes drooping shut as he dropped his chin onto his hands and turned a sleepy smile on Teddy. Unaware of Teddy’s racing heart, James yawned, giving Teddy a toothy grin and Teddy’s entire world spun on its axis.

Teddy didn’t just like the way James’s toothy smile looked, he liked the way it felt when that smile was directed at him. He didn’t just find the kind of confidence James exuded objectively attractive, he liked it _on_ James. He didn’t just want James to be happy, he wanted to be the person who made James happy.

Shit.

***~*~***

It’d been three weeks since James’s photo shoot. Three weeks in which Teddy had done his absolute best to pretend that his life’s entire sense of stability and the foundation of his relationship with James wasn’t teetering on the brink of falling apart with the realisation of the depth of his feelings for his godbrother and best mate. Three weeks of Teddy doing his absolute best to pretend that there wouldn’t be naked photos of James readily available soon.

Three weeks of hell, during which Teddy’s suspicion that James was everything he wanted was completely and utterly cemented. They had continued to share takeaway on the sofa, met up with Albus and Lily and Scorpius for pub night two weeks in a row and basically continued to live their lives completely entwined, to the point where Teddy realised not a day went by where he didn’t speak to James in some way or another—a quick Firecall when James was away for a game, an owl when their schedules didn’t match up, James crashing on his sofa, or lunch together when James claimed that errands just happened to bring him near the Ministry.

Three of the best and worst weeks of Teddy’s life.

The best because it was three weeks of James, and the worst because it was three weeks of James. There was no escaping the now undeniable truth of his feelings when there was no escape from James. Teddy had no idea how he was supposed to cope with his new revelation, especially when he felt pretty sure James wasn’t interested in a relationship. More than once over the last few weeks Teddy had tried to casually bring up the idea of James going on a date or finding a passing witch or wizard attractive to try to gauge James’s reaction, and every single time the light in his eyes would shutter before he changed the subject. He clearly had no desire to date anyone.

Teddy had resolved to shove his feelings aside and ignore them forever, if need be. He was completely prepared to do whatever it took to ensure he didn’t lose James’s friendship.

At least until last night.

Until he’d stupidly opened up a package from James without mentally preparing himself for what might be inside.

He’d had a long day at work—piles of unfinished paperwork left on his desk and a headache that made him feel like an angry hippogriff had stampeded on his brain. All Teddy wanted was a beer and something to eat, even if he knew the only thing left in his flat was a tin of beans, the lemon biscuits James hadn’t finished the previous evening, and a few slices of cold pizza in the fridge. Teddy really, really needed to make food shopping a priority. He’d become far too dependent on James popping round with takeaway or bringing leftovers from Harry and Ginny’s to share most nights. (Though Teddy knew perfectly well they weren’t technically leftovers and that James always made sure there was enough food to share with Teddy on the rare nights he ate at home, even if he denied pestering his mum or dad to cook extra.)

Despite the fact that Teddy knew what meagre food awaited him at home, he was still looking forward to changing into something more comfortable and relaxing. To Teddy’s surprise, however, he returned home to an unexpected package from James sitting in the middle of his dining room table along with a bag of takeaway from Teddy’s favourite curry place all the way across town—under a stasis charm, which Teddy was about ninety-eight percent sure James had perfected for his benefit. There was also a note sitting atop the bag in James’s familiar handwriting.

__

_I tried waiting for you but the coach called an early morning practice tomorrow to train our reserve chaser, since Macaulay somehow managed to land himself in St Mungo’s while supervising his daughter's Tiny Tots Quidditch practice today. I would say don’t ask but we both know you’re a nosy fucker so I promise to tell you all the details later._

_Also, I figured you’d need something to eat besides cold pizza (which I may or may not have eaten while waiting for you to get off work)._

_P.S. I ate your naan._

_P.S.S. Don’t forget about lunch tomorrow. Noon at the Ten Bells. DON’T BE LATE OR I'LL EAT ALL YOUR CRISPS._

Teddy opened the bag and smiled when he saw an order of his favourite chicken tikka masala from the little Indian place he and James often went to. His stomach rumbled with hunger and even the knowledge that James—the definition of a human rubbish bin—had eaten the naan couldn’t diminish his excitement at the prospect of a hot meal when all he’d been expecting was cold pizza.

Of course his excitement had quickly turned into something else entirely. He’d shucked off his Auror robes and dropped down into the chair at the table, Summoning a fork from the cutlery drawer and digging in to the tikka masala straight out of the container.

He barely even chewed, making his way through his dinner rapidly as he went through the pile of mail in the centre of the table, tossing anything with an official Ministry seal off to the side to be dealt with tomorrow. He flipped through an advert for Wendy's Witchy Wares—a new mail order adult toy line that he most definitely hadn’t signed up for—as he kicked his feet up on the spare chair.

By the time he’d sorted it all, there was a large pile that needed a thorough Incendio, leaving nothing but a nondescript paper-wrapped square package in front of him. On the front was Teddy’s name written in an all-too-familiar untidy scrawl. The package was flat and thin and Teddy shoved one extra-large bite into his mouth before setting down his fork and untying the twine around it. Teddy slipped a finger under the edge of the paper, popping it off, ignoring the piece of paper that fluttered to the floor.

The second Teddy’s eyes landed on the thing in his hands, he dropped it to the table, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head.

James’s calendar. It was James’s naked charity calendar.

Teddy puffed up his cheeks and blew out a heavy breath as he leaned over the side of his chair to grab the scrap of paper that had fallen on the floor.

__

_Teddy,_

_The calendar is coming out tomorrow but I wanted to show it to you first. My agent said they wanted to put it out in November to take advantage of pre-holiday sales when people were feeling the most “charitable.”_

_James_

_P.S. April is my favourite._

With shaking hands Teddy picked up the calendar again, running his pointer finger over the front of the calendar and watching with rapt attention as the James in the photo turned his head and winked, making Teddy’s face flush. The cover photo wasn’t even anything salacious, just a photo of James in a pair of well-fitting jeans and a light blue shirt the same color as the Tutshill Tornado uniforms. The color made James’s auburn hair and pale skin seem even more pronounced and beneath the deep V of the t-shirt, Teddy could see the swath of freckles he knew dotted James’s collarbones.

Sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, Teddy flipped open the calendar and felt all the blood leave his face and move directly south.

January’s photo was James in nothing but a top hat, a mischievous grin on his face and a bottle of Chauternys Cheerful Champagne held in his hands—just barely covering his cock. The fact that they’d chosen a bottle larger than the standard 750ml did not escape Teddy’s notice.

Photo James smiled wider, tapping the bottle with his wand and Teddy watched as the cork went flying and the bottle erupted in a stream of foaming champagne. The innuendo was not at all lost on Teddy, who slammed the calendar down on the table and Accioed another beer. He didn’t care that it was warm, didn’t even bothering trying to spell it cold. Instead he grabbed the bottle  
opener beside his dinner, popped off the cap, and began to chug it, not stopping until the entire bottle was gone. With an audible groan he slammed the empty bottle down on the table and blinked as the photo scene replayed six more times before Teddy got the courage to flip to February.

“Fucking fuck,” Teddy muttered, gripping the calendar so hard he nearly bent it in half.

James was sitting cross legged on a plush red rug with a heart shaped box of Honeydukes’ newest Sinful Secrets line of fancy chocolates balanced precariously above his cock. Photo James’s tongue slowly darted out to drag across his bottom lip before plucking a chocolate out then making direct eye contact with the camera as he popped the piece into his mouth, sucking on his fingers in the process.

Teddy swallowed audibly, his mouth dry despite the beer he just chugged and his cock halfway to hard already. There was not a single chance he was going to make it through this calendar without wanking. Teddy definitely needed something stronger to survive this.

Grabbing his wand, Teddy accioed the bottle of cognac Draco had given him for his birthday last year and a glass from the cupboard, uncorking it and pouring a generous amount for himself. He was definitely going to need it. The fact that James was never going to be his made it ten times worse, because Teddy knew he didn't possess enough self control to not look at the calendar. He also knew having such vivid mental pictures of what James looked like in intimate undress was going to make it impossible for Teddy to look James in the eyes and not have it affect their relationship in some way.

“Here goes nothing,” Teddy said out loud.

March was no less overwhelming. James was sitting atop a stack of wooden boxes outside of what looked like the broomshed at the training pitch. The sun was shining brightly, reflecting off his skin, which was oiled and glistening. Photo James reached his hand out and scooped up an obscene amount of broom polish as he dropped it atop the end of his broom and began to polish it very thoroughly.

Teddy didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. He’d seen James do this exact thing at least two dozen times in life, but the last time had been years ago, back when James was still a gawky teenager trying to embarrass and scandalise his parents and siblings as he lavisciously polished his broom at family gatherings and accused anyone who told him he was being obscene of having a dirty mind. It was the weirdest thing for Teddy to look at James and remember him as he was then, when Teddy had seen him as nothing more a sweet but slightly obnoxious teenager, while also seeing him as he was now—a young man who’d grown into his long arms and legs, who wore his name like a badge of honour and not something he had to compete against. A man Teddy very much admired.

Unsure he had the emotional fortitude to handle April, he took one more burning chug of the cognac before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and flipping the page over. What he saw left him breathless and fiercely aroused.

James was sprawled out on his back atop a giant metal four poster bed. The sheets were bright white and barely covering one of James’s legs and his cock. Even worse, the sheets were completely mused, as if it weren't just a prop bed but someone’s bed—someone’s bed where _things_ had occurred. Unlike the previous photos, where it was clear someone had attempted to style James’s mass of wavy curls into some kind of order, this photo showed James with hair that looked like he’d either recently woken up or just been fucked. His hair was wind swept and wild and sticking up at every angle—the perfect length for someone to card their fingers through the thick stands and hold on tight.

Teddy groaned as photo James’s hand slid down his chest, dragging across the sharp planes of his hip bones before grabbing hold of the white sheet as he rolled over. The sheet just barely covered James’s assets, the taut swell of his arse visible beneath the thin cotton. It was all Teddy could do not to lift the calendar and fucking lick it.

Teddy closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. It was only on the exhale that he realised the palm of his hand was rubbing back and forth over his clothed cock, a noticeable wet spot forming on his trousers.

 _Shit_.

It wasn’t as if Teddy hadn’t ever wanked to thoughts of James. Of course he had, even before he’d realised what his feelings meant. James was fit as fuck and Teddy had long figured it was only normal for a moderately young and healthy bisexual man to sometimes have incredibly indecent and detailed wet dreams about his best mate when his best mate was quite possibly the most attractive person to ever walk the earth. Of course, in hindsight Teddy could see that the fact that he thought James was the most beautiful person on the planet probably should’ve tipped him off to the nature of his true feelings sooner. But then, Teddy was nothing if not good at denying his own feelings when it suited him.

The last few weeks Teddy had done almost nothing but wank over James. But the truth was this felt entirely different. His previous wank sessions had been a fantasy—this was _real._ Or as real as Teddy would ever get.

As much as Teddy wanted to slip his hand inside his trousers and touch himself while watching James roll around in a bed, he thought it was probably crossing a line from which there would be no return. This wasn’t Teddy’s little made-up fantasy, but a version of reality that did not belong to him.

Mustering every single ounce of self control he possessed, Teddy removed his hand from his cock, clenching his fingers as he let his right hand rest on his thigh. He definitely needed to stop looking at this calendar. That was obviously the only solution that made any sense.

However, Teddy’d never had much sense where James was involved anyway, so he didn’t see the point in starting to stress about it now. Besides, one man could only be expected to have so much self control.

Fuck it, Teddy thought, as he flipped the calendar to the next month.

Every bit of air in his lungs left as Teddy was left struggling to remember how to breathe or think or even exist in a world in which James Sirius Potter also existed.

The month of May featured James sitting in a field of wildflowers with a flower crown of yellow and white daisies sitting atop his head. James’s hair was styled in a way Teddy had never seen—he swore it had to have been done with magic—as James’s normally unmanageable hair was swept up to one side, a single curl falling into big hazel eyes. Photo James was facing sideways and crouched down. Teddy could see the ripples of muscles in his strong shoulders as James reached out to pick a single pink flower, lifting it up to his face and letting his eyelids flutter shut as he smelled it. The long blades of grass in the field waved in the wind just barely disguising the supple curve of James’s backside as he turned his head to smile directly at the camera.

It was absolutely ridiculous. Sure, James was naked, but compared to the other photos this one wasn’t remotely sexual. Rather than oozing sex appeal, this James oozed contentment.

Teddy could practically feel James’s happiness seeping through the photo—James always had been a free spirit, often found barefoot and outside. Teddy could still recall the first Quidditch League Ball James had attended after being made his team’s starting Seeker; an hour and a half into the event, James was nowhere to be found. Teddy’d found him, of course—his toes wiggling in the grass and his dress shoes, tie and formal jacket abandoned on the steps as he’d lain in the back garden of the hotel it was being held at and stared up at the stars. They’d spent the rest of the evening out there, laughing themselves hoarse. They’d shared a bottle of firewhiskey Teddy had stolen by momentarily disguising himself as one of the waiters.

James had always been happiest outside. Whether he was a toddler learning to walk barefoot in Harry and Ginny’s garden, a pre-teen desperately trying to impress Teddy with his flying, or a young man soaking up the sun shirtless and content on lazy weekends in the garden.

When Teddy looked at the month of May he recognised the all-too-familiar crinkle at the corners of James’s eyes and the toothy, nose-crinkling smile—it was the smile James often gifted Teddy when he was well and truly happy.

The other photos had been provocative and arousing and full of the kind of undeniable innuendo that made Teddy’s cock ache. But this, fuck, this made Teddy’s chest ache.

James looked ethereal as he sat down amongst the flowers and ran his fingertips across the fluttering blades of grass, and before Teddy had consciously made the decision, he found himself undoing the button and slipping his hand inside his trousers as he watched James throw his head back and bask in the sunlight streaming down upon his face.

It was too much and not enough—would never be enough. Teddy bit back the groan on the tip of his tongue, stifling the sounds of pleasure he felt bubbling near the surface as he stroked himself fast and hard.

Teddy’s eyes began to flutter shut as the pleasure mounted, but he forced them open, unable to take his eyes off James’s face as he shoved his trousers down enough to free his cock, increasing the speed of his strokes and biting down hard his bottom lip. James was laughing, looking at someone off to the side and Teddy’s stomach swirled with unexpected jealousy. He choked down a sob as his orgasm got closer.

James. Fuck, everything was James.

James, and his beautiful auburn waves that Teddy longed to tangle his hands in.

James, and his overzealous appetite constantly stealing the food—even the things he claimed he bought for Teddy.

James, and his vivacious laugh that chased away the darkest parts of Teddy’s day and left his insides filled with the kind of light no abysmal English weather or haunting cases at work could darken.

James, and the heart of gold most of the world never noticed because they were too busy looking at his handsome face, listening to his good-natured laugh and his joking attitude so they never bothered to see what was beneath the surface.

James.

 _Jamie_. His Jamie, who laughed at all of his jokes and liked to listen to Teddy talk about his favourite books—even the ones James had no intention of reading—and who saved Teddy the fortune cookie when they went out for Chinese because he knew Teddy liked the fortunes even if he didn't really believe them. Jamie, who fit into all the spots in Teddy’s life that had never had a chance to be empty because James had always been there—filling them with his joy and kindness without asking for anything from Teddy in return.

Fucking fuck, Teddy thought, his hand shaking and his thighs quivering as he came across his hand and trousers, a few stray drops of it even splattering the top of the calendar. It made Teddy’s stomach turn to think about the other people who might use this calendar for the same purposes, and before he’d even bothered with a Scourgify he reached out his clean hand, bypassed his glass, and instead went straight for the bottle of cognac and began to chug.

***~*~***

Teddy rolled over with a groan, regretting his very existence the moment the light streaming through his curtains hit his over-sensitive eyes. His head was pounding worse than he’d ever experienced, even the first time he’d gone clubbing and ending up pissed and puking on the pavement the weekend he turned seventeen and had snuck out of Hogwarts.

He opened his eyes then slammed them shut, unable to deal with the level of daylight in his bedroom. Fuck, had the morning always been this obnoxiously bright in his flat? With a grunt he squinted at the clock on his bedside table before shoving his face into his pillow. He realised he wasn’t even going to have time to have a proper shower this morning. Apparently a quick _Scourgify_ and brushing his teeth was as good as it was going to get. Merlin’s tits, he should’ve known better than to drink on a work night. The only thing worse than waking up hungover was waking up hungover at a quarter past six because he needed to be in the office early.

Resigning himself to his fate, he rolled onto his back and mentally prepared himself for throwing his legs over the side of the bed, but ended up miscalculating his actual proximity to the edge and instead rolled right out of bed and landed on the floor on his hands and knees.

“Ouch,” he groaned. His mouth tasted like a blast-ended skrewt had chundered inside of it; his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth and his eyelids felt as sticky as the floor of the club James had dragged him to for Albus’s birthday last year.

“M’never drinking again,” he mumbled as he dragged himself up into a standing position, ignoring the way his knees and back cracked as he did so. Somehow he felt closer to forty-seven than twenty-seven and ultimately decided he definitely couldn’t hold his drink as well as he used to. Then again, Teddy didn’t usually attempt to finish off an entire bottle of cognac alone.

Merlin, he hoped he had a hangover potion in his bathroom or he was really going to wish he were dead.

It took Teddy a lot longer than normal to stumble from his bedroom to the bathroom at the end of the corridor. He briefly wondered if someone had magically altered the layout of his flat and moved the bathroom door even farther away while he was sleeping, before realising that no, he was really just that fucking hungover.

A sense of relief hit Teddy as he finally made it inside his bathroom, his right hand reaching out to open the medicine cabinet, when he finally got a good look at himself for the first time. He could do nothing but frown at the sight of his own tragic face staring back at him. His hair, instead of its usual eye-catching color, was a dirty brown Teddy hadn’t seen in months. That and, for some reason, it was at least four inches longer than when he’d passed out and was falling into his eyes in the front and sticking up in the back in a matted pile that looked like a Diricawl nest. Worse still were the drool dried to the side of his face and the dark circles under his eyes.

With trepidation, Teddy pried open the medicine cabinet and let out an audible sigh of relief when he spotted one single hangover potion. He grabbed the vial, popping the cap off with his thumb and downing the entire vial in one go. He barely even registered the revolting taste of anise as he swallowed. The pounding in his head immediately dulled to a more than manageable lingering tenderness and his stomach stopped feeling as if he were teetering on the edge of a moving ledge.

Licking his lips, Teddy tossed the empty vial into the small bin next to the sink and braced his hands on the edge of the counter as he leaned in close to the mirror and pressed his forehead against it, welcoming the cool touch on his flushed face. A hangover potion did wonders, but it wasn’t a bloody miracle. Especially not in the face of the sheer volume of alcohol Teddy had consumed. He closed his eyes with a soft sigh and wondered how the fuck he was going to get through the day.

Ten minutes later, Teddy’s hair was morphed into his recent favourite style—a bit of curly floof sticking up in the front with an undercut, the entire thing a vibrant shade of teal—his face had been washed, and he was no longer wearing the previous day’s come-covered work clothes. He had changed into a freshly laundered pair of trousers with one of James’s grey t-shirts he’d found in his drawer. He didn’t let himself think too hard about why that was the only shirt that seemed to catch his fancy today, nor did he let himself look at the empty cognac bottle or calendar on his kitchen table as he plucked his Auror robes off the back of the chair and grabbed a handful of Floo powder, heading straight to the Ministry.

The first inkling Teddy had that the day was going to go downhill was when he had to wait over ten minutes to get into the lift. It wasn’t usually so crowded on a Thursday and Teddy didn’t have a fucking clue why every single person in the office seemed to be clamoring to get to their offices.

There was a strange excitement in the air, everyone side-eyeing each other in the lift as if looking for something. Teddy was relieved when he finally made it to the Department of Magical Law enforcement on the second floor, or at least he was until he stepped out expecting to see two or three other Aurors forced to come in early to do their paperwork before the monthly review meeting today, and instead was met with an entirely full department.

Teddy slowed his pace, eyes narrowed in confusion as he watched Gertrude from Internal Affairs clutch something to her chest as she ran into Lilian Caulfield’s office. A shriek like a newborn mandrake erupted and Teddy contemplated making sure the two women were alright when he caught sight of Charlie Cocker—the Department’s unofficial errand boy. Charlie was frantically running around the office with an armload of something Teddy couldn’t identify because before he could examine what it was that Charlie was holding, the other man disappeared into the maze of junior Auror cubicles on the far side of the room. Several more unexpected shrieks were heard as Teddy made his way to his own office on the far side of the room.

“Well you look like a daisy in May,” the mirror said sarcastically the second Teddy opened his door.

Teddy wrinkled his nose in annoyance and, despite feeling very childish about it, lifted his hand and sent the mirror a rather rude gesture with his right hand. The mirror tutted loudly but didn’t say anything else.

Once situated at his desk, Teddy let out a heavy breath, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes as he yawned. It wasn’t even eight in the morning yet and Teddy already couldn’t wait to get home. Most days, Teddy enjoyed his job. He was good at task management and team leadership, his metamorph abilities made him a natural asset in the field, and he liked the mental and physical challenges the job provided. He also liked providing a valuable service to his community. Sometimes, though, well sometimes he wanted nothing more than to ditch work early and grab a pint with Harry at their local so they could bemoan the tediousness of paperwork and bureaucracy. Since today was November first—and all of Teddy’s October reports were due by noon—it was definitely going to be one of those days.

He did his best to settle into his morning routine, pulling out the stack of unfinished reports from his top drawer before grabbing his favorite quill and uncorking his bottle of ink. His hand was halfway to the inkpot when movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He noticed the photo he kept on his desk of him and James from this last summer. James was shirtless—a regular occurance if the sun happened to be shining—and had his long arm thrown around Teddy’s shoulder as he whispered something that had photo Teddy throwing his head back as a roar of laughter erupted. It was one of Teddy’s favourite photos of both himself—because he looked so undeniably happy—and of him and James. Unfortunately, at that moment all looking at it did was stir Teddy’s feelings of shame and longing, so he dropped the quill and slammed the frame face down.

Teddy had too much work to do, he didn't have time to spend hours mooning over his best friend and wondering how the fuck he was going to handle meeting James for lunch when he couldn’t even handle looking at him in a photo. At least not after half the night spent doing a lot more than simply _looking_ at pictures of James.

Reminding himself that his arse would get a proper chewing out if he didn’t finish his reports, Teddy picked up his quill and dipped it in the ink, determined to get his work done regardless of his own emotional turmoil.

Teddy did his best to ignore the nagging sense of unease about the strange morning and the swirl of conflicted emotions pooling in the pit of his stomach, but it was impossible to ignore the low-level hum of excitement building in the office, and the way the flurry of voices built to a crescendo carrying through the thin walls of his office. Teddy pulled his wand from his robe pocket and cast a fairly powerful modification on the Silencing Charm he’d been working on in his free time, pleased when the volume of the obnoxious chatter grew lower and lower until Teddy was ensconced in blissful silence.

As an only child, Teddy had a higher than average appreciation for silence. He found it a necessity not only to recharge emotionally at the end of a long day but also to help him focus on important tasks. A requirement that had honestly made life at a noisy boarding school difficult even at the best of times. Though that challenge had at least somewhat prepared him for the auditory overload he would encounter working in a tiny office in the middle of a busy department. Teddy’s days were overwrought with the sounds of other people scratching away at their parchment, muttering to themselves, talking in hushed voices, or sipping their tea far louder than was necessary. Tuning out things that annoyed him was a skill that Teddy had never quite mastered despite his best attempts. On more than one occasion, Teddy had been amazed to witness James sit in the middle of a crowded house full of exuberant siblings and relatives and study, or the way he could hone his focus to one person despite crowds of people surrounding him. Teddy supposed it was one of the multitude of reasons why James was such an incredible Seeker—James had the ability to direct his attention at one thing and never lose focus, no matter the distractions.

Free from distractions, Teddy cleared his mind and got to work on his reports, wondering not for the first time why the fuck the Auror Department cared what Teddy had been wearing beneath his Auror robes on the day of a specific arrest. The rest of the morning flew by as Teddy made his way through his neglected reports, grateful that, despite the fact that some of these reports were nearly four weeks old, he could still recall every detail. Teddy knew it was an asset to have a razor-sharp memory, even if he took advantage of said memory and left every one of his reports to the last possible minute.

Three-and-a-half hours later, Teddy’s pile of reports had all been moved from the to-finish pile to the finished pile.He stretched his arms overheard and vowed never to leave his reports to the last minute again. He laughed, imagining James’s face if he could hear him now, telling him, _“Teddy, you say that every month and every month you do it again.”_ Of course, the smile that thought brought to his face was rapidly replaced by a frown as he thought of James.

One glance at the small clock beside the overturned photo of Jameslet him know it was only twenty minutes to noon. Which meant he absolutely needed to leave the office if he had any chance of making it to the Ten Bells before James ate all his crisps. Problem was, Teddy wasn’t sure he felt brave enough to meet James for lunch. Not yet.

“You’re going to be late to see the Potter boy,” the mirror said when he rose to stand and Teddy wondered not for the first time if the mirror could read minds. If he weren’t absolutely certain the sentient magic in the mirror weren’t dangerous, he’d be a lot more worried. Instead, all he felt was annoyed.

“Everything is fine,” Teddy said in a clipped voice, unsure why he was trying to justify his feelings to a bloody mirror.

“Denial isn’t a good look on you, love.”

Teddy’s fingers curled into a loose fist, his chest fluttering with nerves. He stared at the frame on his desk as he spoke. “I’m not in denial. Everything is fine.”

“You’re grumpy. You should see the Potter boy; he makes you happy.”

Teddy spun around and came face to face with the reflection of his own haunted eyes and limp hair. He stared at himself in the mirror’s shimmering surface. “I’m not in love with James,” he lied.

The mirror didn’t say anything back. Teddy wished it would, because his own words echoed in his ears loudly, the lie bitter on his tongue.

Fuck, Teddy needed to get out of his office.

Deciding to have a quick word with Harry, Teddy reached for his wand on his desk and cast _Finite incantatem_ before making his way out of his office and into throngs of his coworkers, who were also milling about preparing for their lunch breaks.

As Teddy began to walk, he realised that his previous headache had returned with a vengeance and his stomach was beginning to loudly protest his lack of breakfast. With those two things distracting him, it took Teddy a few minutes to realise that at least three different people had bumped into him on his way to Harry’s office on the far side of the second floor.

When he finally stopped walking and looked up, it was to see at least half a dozen Aurors and various Law Enforcement personnel milling around the corridors staring at arm loads of files as if they'd never seen a ruddy sheet of parchment before. Teddy’d seen a lot of stressed-out people on reports day in his years as an Auror, but today definitely took the cake. Teddy couldn’t understand it. He’d never seen so many people with their faces buried in their case files, and every time Teddy tried to casually catch a glance at what someone was looking at, they’d slam the folder closed and turn in the opposite direction.

If Teddy wasn’t so certain that his job was secure and he was almost universally well liked, he was pretty certain today would’ve had him wondering if he were about to either get fired. Or thrown in Azkaban, from the way conversations kept stopping when he got too close and the suspicious way people were acting. More than once he was certain he heard the name Potter being whispered, but seeing as Harry was Head Auror and therefore the boss, it didn’t strike Teddy as strange. At least not until _later_.

Not until well after Teddy knocked on Harry’s door and began to open it well before waiting for the all clear to come in. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Hello, Teddy,” Harry said, looking up from his desk with a smile. If he were surprised to see Teddy he didn’t show it. Then again, Teddy had long suspected Harry didn’t let anyone see anything on his face he didn’t want them to, not anymore.

When Teddy didn’t answer, Harry pushed back from his chair and rose to stand, taking a few steps towards Teddy. With a flick of his finger Harry wandlessly shut the office door behind Teddy who felt rooted to the spot as if he’d been struck by a full body-bind.

“Everything alright, Teds?” Harry’s voice was familiar and kind and filled Teddy with the overwhelming urge to apologise as he stared at the wall behind Harry’s desk. The wall that was covered in photos of Harry’s family and James’s naked charity calendar. Teddy blinked as the champagne bottle in the photo overflowed with James’s laughter, making the bottom of his stomach drop out.

He stared at the calendar for several long seconds before dragging his eyes away, but even that didn’t help because the rest of the wall was covered in photos of Harry’s family. The largest photo in the centre was the most recent. It’d been taken on Harry’s last birthday; photo Harry was flushed and half pissed, laughing as Ginny and his children enveloped him in a group hug. The rest of the photos were ones Teddy knew well. Harry with Ron and Hermione. Harry and Teddy on Platform 9 ¾ when Teddy’d gone to Hogwarts. Harry with a pint-sized Teddy on his shoulders as he held a newborn James. James and Albus and Lily on Christmas when James was six, the year his accidental magic had turned his hair a shocking shade of sky blue just like Teddy’s. Teddy remembered that day clearly because he’d been the one taking the photo—congratulating James.

Teddy’s eyes raked over the photos, and all Teddy could see was tangible evidence of how intertwined his life was with Harry and his family—with James. He’d watched James grow up. He’d certainly never changed his nappy, but he’d helped feed James and hold him and been there the day James took his first steps. He’d been there the day James learned to say _Edd_ before he learned to say _Dad_ and the sheer triumph Teddy had felt that day at being someone’s favourite.

From the moment James could choose, he’d chosen Teddy—as a role model, as a confidant, and as a _friend_. For years, Teddy had taken that for granted and it wasn’t until James left Hogwarts that Teddy had seen him for more than who he’d been and saw him for who he was. Gone was the small freckled face of a child desperately trying to impress Teddy. It had been long replaced by the face of a young man who was comfortable with himself and his choices.

It wasn’t that Teddy was ashamed of his feelings because James was his godbrother. He wasn’t under any delusions; they weren’t related. Harry being his godfather had always been something between Teddy and a Harry—a bond of their own. Teddy had loved Harry something fierce and by osmosis he’d grown to care about Ginny and James and Albus and Lily, but they’d never felt like his family. Not the way Harry always had.

It wasn’t until that moment—until Teddy was standing in the middle of Harry’s office staring at the wall of photos, most of which included James—while also being forced to once again come face to face with a copy of James’s naked calendar on the wall beside said photos that Teddy realised it wasn’t just that he had a passing fancy in James, or simply wanted a quick fuck. It was more. So much more. Teddy’d come to Harry’s office to escape his feelings without thinking about the fact that Harry’s office might be full of reminders of James. And he certainly hadn’t expected to see the calendar.

No matter how much Harry’s stability and understanding soothed his nerves, there was no escaping the way he felt when he looked at the photos or calendar of James. The way he felt when he thought of James.

Somewhere along the line, James had become the most important person to him. James had become his family—not in the sense of the little kid he’d grown up alongside who was his godfather’s son and whom he had to love, but the person he _chose_ as family.

When Teddy looked at James now, he saw the truth of what he wanted: a future. He wanted passionate fucking w they couldn’t get enough of each other and mediocre fucking when they might be too tired for more than just a handjob. He wanted romantic dates where he could see James’s eyes sparkle in the moonlight and he wanted to keep eating takeaway on the sofa with James’s bony foot shoved under his arse. He wanted all the best bits and the worst and the boring everyday bits in between with James, because he loved him.

_Teddy loved James._

He loved him a way that was devastating because, while he might be able to live without ever knowing what James was like in bed, he could not live without his friendship.

“What’s that,” Teddy finally blurted out when he realised Harry had been waiting for him to answer for several long minutes.

Harry’s head swivelled around faster than an owl and, if Teddy hadn’t been feeling as if his entire world were on the cusp of falling apart, he might have actually laughed. As it was, Harry was the one to snort out a laugh—when he realised Teddy was staring at the calendar.

“Ah, that,” Harry said, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “I was in my mid-morning meeting and when I came back my secretary told me Albus and Lily had come by to bring me lunch while I was out. I was touched, you know, until I came into my office and discovered that the takeaway on my desk wasn’t the only thing they had left me.”

Teddy swallowed loudly, unable to take his eyes off the flowing champagne bottle blocking James’s cock. “It’s a bit distracting.”

Harry shrugged. “I tried taking it down, but Albus and Lily seem to have got it up there with a permanent sticking charm. Between you and me, I can’t get the bloody thing down so I’ve got to pretend I think it’s a laugh seeing it up there. I don’t fancy letting my entire department know my children had managed to best the Head Auror.”

Teddy felt his lips twitch up in the corner despite himself. “Better watch out or Lily or Albus just might take your job.”

Harry laughed in a self-deprecating way. “Don’t tell them that. They already think they’re smarter than me. If they find out I couldn’t undo their sticking charm, I’m going to be hearing about it for the next century.”

Harry walked back to his desk and dropped into his chair, picking up the Chinese takeaway container in front of him and holding it out to Teddy. “You hungry?”

“No,” Teddy lied at the same moment his stomach gave a loud grumble.

“Next thing, you’re going to tell me you hate chicken chow mein,” Harry said with a knowing look, sliding the container across the desk so it was sitting directly in front of the empty chair. Teddy looked over at the clock on the wall, which read 12:05, and guilt churned in his stomach. James would be ordering their regular right about now. He could picturing him bouncing his leg beneath the table as he drank his coke and glanced around the pub, waiting for Teddy. He wouldn’t be worried yet; Teddy was always late. The difference was this time, Teddy wouldn’t show up.

“So what's wrong?” Harry asked, sending a fork sailing through the air and directly into Teddy’s open hand with a flick of his wand.

“Who says anything is wrong?” Teddy asked, popping open the food container and digging the fork in. “I can come see you just to say hello.”

Harry hummed non-committedly, pulling out an spring roll from the bag and twirling it between his fingers, the same way he often did his wand when he was choosing his words carefully. “Of course you can. The same way my children can come and bring me my favourite lunch out of the goodness of their hearts.”

Teddy averted his eyes from the calendar to the takeaway container in his lap, stabbing at the bean sprouts that refused to stay stuck to his fork. “Maybe I just missed you.”

Teddy didn’t need to look up to know Harry was smiling; he could hear it in his voice. “I’m touched, Teddy, but as much as I would love to believe that my company is so desirable, we spent three hours playing fantasy Quidditch two days ago, I’ll be seeing you in an hour for the interdepartmental meeting, and you promised to come round for dinner tonight since Ginny is making bangers and mash.”

Normally Teddy appreciated how well Harry knew him. Today, however, it made it damn near impossible for Teddy to swallow his food around the lump in his throat.

“How did you know you were in love with Ginny?” Teddy asked.

Harry didn’t answer right away, and in the silence Teddy dared to look up. What he saw made tears prickle at the corner of his eyes. Teddy wasn’t sure exactly what he’d expected to see when he looked at Harry, but it sure as fuck hadn’t been the kind of painful understanding he saw in Harry’s eyes.

“Do you mean how did I know I loved Ginny for Ginny and not because I wanted to be part of her family? Or do you mean how did I know loving Ginny was worth risking losing Ron and everything he meant to me? Or do you mean how did I know I loved Ginny when I’d spent my entire life wondering if I’d ever have a family?”

Teddy dropped the forkful of food back into the container. He set it on the desk and pushed the chow mein away as he exhaled a shuddering breath. “All of those.”

Harry’s lips thinned in a painful smile and Teddy knew, he just knew, without a shred of doubt, that Harry knew how he felt without him having to say. Maybe it was because Harry loved James. Or maybe it was because he loved Teddy. Or maybe it was because Harry’d spent most of his life being a fuck ton more perceptive than anyone ever gave him credit for. Either way, it made the tightness in Teddy’s chest ease just a bit.

“When I first kissed Ginny, it felt like the easiest thing I’d done in my entire life. I don’t think I truly believed that I’d survive Voldemort and fuck, maybe it was selfish, but she was full of life so I loved her without thinking about later because I didn't think I would get a later. After the war though, that was different. I didn’t have anyone trying to kill me anymore, and suddenly every choice I made felt weighted with the possibility of the future I never thought would be mine. It was impossible not to be a little bit in love with Ginny, no matter what I did. She was fierce and beautiful. But choosing to love her, to make a life with her, well, that was more complicated. Loving her meant risking my friendship with Ron if things went wrong. It meant risking making Molly choose her only daughter over the boy who was never really her son.” Harry paused, pretending to cough, but Teddy recognised the not-so-subtle hand wiping tears off his cheek. “Loving Ginny meant risking the closest thing to a family I’d ever had. I think there was a moment where I was worried I loved her _because_ I wanted a family, until I realised that loving her was risking the _loss_ of the only family I’d ever had. Loving Ginny was the easiest and hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

“How did you know she was worth it?” Teddy whispered, staring at his hands.

“I didn’t.” Teddy looked up in surprise to find Harry smiling at him. “Loving Ginny was….it was as much about loving her as it was about loving myself, about letting myself want that kind of love. I didn’t know if things would last forever. I hoped they would, of course, in the way we all hope when we’re young and in love and want to pledge our lives to someone. But I didn’t _know_. Not in the way you mean. But I think believing it was worth the risk is what really mattered in the end. No two people are magically destined for each other, no matter how much we might wish it were so. Love is about choosing to be together every single day. It’s saying I love you when things are easy and hard, when they’re exciting and boring.”

“Even when they eat your secret stash of chocolate?” Teddy queried, knowing more than once Harry had changed his hiding spot in the kitchen. It’d been a running joke for years that the day Ginny found out where he kept his bars of Honeydukes best, she was going to eat them all. Teddy was about ninety-two percent sure Ginny did, in fact, know where the stash was, no matter how many times Harry moved it, and that she only let Harry think she didn’t know.

“Nope, definitely not. If Ginny ever finds out where I hide my stash and she eats it, we’re definitely getting divorced.”

Teddy huffed out a laugh, resting his elbows on the desk and his chin on his hands. “Thanks, Harry.”

“Anytime, Teds,” he said, chomping on the end of his egg roll and giving Teddy a wink that should have made him feel like everything might just be alright, but instead made him feel even more confused.

Harry understood, just like he always had. Without saying the words, Harry had let him know it was okay to love James.

“So were you sure you and Ginny would work out, then?” Teddy blurted out when Harry had a massive mouthful of spring roll.

Harry’s eyebrows knitted together as he finished chewing. “No, Teddy. Not at all. I wanted it to, but sometimes love isn’t about certainty, but about hope.”

Teddy’s stomach fell in a rush of confusion. Harry had always been brave; perhaps he was just braver than Teddy, because Teddy didn’t feel at all comfortable with that kind of uncertainty. When Teddy looked up to see James’s blinding smile directed at him in photo after photo, all Teddy could feel was fear.

***~*~***

“Teddy! Teddy!” James yelled over the whooshing sound of the Floo in the living room. Heavy footsteps across the living room floor echoed loudly in the otherwise quiet flat. “Edward Remus Lupin, where the fuck are you?” James yelled again, voice getting closer.

Teddy groaned, tugging his hoodie over his head in a futile attempt to hide his now violently violet coloured hair—a colour James had once joked was his _“I’m trying to hide something”_ hair colour.

It’d been eight days since Teddy had seen James. Eight agonisingly long days in which Teddy had promised himself day after day that he would owl James to meet him in person and tell him the truth. When that hadn’t happened, he’d told himself he’d owl James the truth in a letter. But in the end he’d been unable to do either.

Teddy had meant to talk to James. Truly he had. It was just that, after leaving Harry’s office feeling slightly less catastrophic about the entire situation but no less worried, he’d realised that the reason people had been acting so strange all over the department was James. Or more precisely, James’s calendar. A calendar that Teddy had spotted hanging on no fewer than eleven Auror cubicle walls as he made his way back to his desk. That wouldn’t have been so bad if not for the other stuff—the whispers of James’s attractiveness, the talk of who he may or may not be dating, and the horrifyingly detailed fantasies he heard people discussing. It rankled the insidious voice in Teddy’s brain telling him he was as pathetic as everyone else lusting after a calendar, or that told him James was too fit and famous for someone like Teddy, who craved security over infamy. It turned his stomach to hear other people talking about James as if he were nothing more than something to gratify their physical desires. James deserved so much more than to be called “ _the Potter eye candy,_ ” as if he weren’t fucking smart and talented and loyal and incredible and perfect in about a million different ways that had absolutely nothing to do with how his body looked. Not that Teddy didn’t love the way James looked, because Merlin knew he wanted to worship every single freckle on James’s body. It was just that he wanted so much _more,_ too.

The tipping point had come fifteen minutes before Teddy was due to get off work, Chad McLaggen had sauntered into Teddy’s office without knocking, looking smug as fuck. He reminded Teddy of a constipated crup with a bone, the absolute tosspot. Teddy had gritted his teeth and smiled, because even though Chad was a damn fine Auror he was also an obnoxious pain in the arse. Teddy often had to resist the urge to hex the perpetually smug look off his face.

Chad had walked in, taken one look at the photo of Teddy and James that Teddy had flipped back over not five minutes before, and smiled. Fucking smiled. Teddy’s fingers had clenched on his wand beneath the desk as the words, “Looks like we all get a bit of Potter now,” had fallen out of Chad’s mouth. Before Teddy knew what was happening, he’d drawn his wand. Teddy’s ears filled with a rushing noise and he’d been overwhelmed by a kind of indignant rage he’d never know as he lost all sense of composure or restraint and cast a bat-bogey hex that would’ve made James proud at Chad.

Teddy wasn’t proud, though. Not when it resulted in half the Auror office swarming his desk to find out what the screeching was. Nor was he proud when he was sat across Harry in the same chair he’d eaten chicken chow mein in a few hours prior as Harry rubbed his forehead and sighed heavily as he was forced to suspend Teddy for a week due to inappropriate work conduct after Teddy refused to tell Harry why he’d hexed McLaggen. Not that Teddy thought his current predicament could get much worse, but the idea of telling Harry, “I was filled with jealous rage over one of my fellow twat-headed Aurors making inappropriate sexual jokes about your son, who, oh by the way, I’m completely arse over tit in love with” would help anything.

When Teddy had fallen through the Floo in his living room half an hour later still buzzing with embarrassment and rage, unsure which emotion was stronger, he’d meant to owl James and apologise for missing lunch. Instead there’d been an owl from James waiting for him.

_Dad refused to tell me what happened at work with some ridiculous speech about Auror confidentiality, but he said you had a rough day at work and were suspended. Suspended! Honestly, you don’t have a defiant bone in your body so I’m assuming there’s a good story there and I can’t wait to hear it over dinner. (Or over drinks after dinner if you dont wanna talk about it around Mum and Dad. I’ve got a bottle of firewhiskey in my room I’ve been saving for a special occasion.)_

__

_James_

_P.S. I did eat all your crisps today and I don’t forgive you for standing me up for lunch, but if you buy me pizza tomorrow I will probably forgive you._

_P.S.S. If you bring me chocolate too, I will be even more inclined to forgive you._

Teddy had held the note in his hands and known without a shred of doubt he couldn’t face James. Not yet.

So he did the only thing he felt capable of doing that moment and lied. He Summoned a piece of parchment and a quill and scribbled a hasty note to James explaining that he was feeling sick and needed to miss the family dinner at the Potters that night. It was a flimsy excuse and he was sure no one would believe it, least of all James, but not an hour later James sent him an owl with a bar of Honeydukes best chocolate and a note that read _You’re a fuck bucket and a terrible liar but I still love you._

The following morning he’d awoken to another letter from James—the familiar tawny owl relentlessly tapping at Teddy’s window at barely half past eight—a note asking him if he was up for lunch clutched in his beak. Teddy’s stomach twisted in knots as he tried to imagine explaining his feelings for James, or the fact that his inability to handle those feelings had ended up with Teddy suspended from work for five days. So instead of saying yes like he always did when James invited him anywhere, he’d lied again and claimed to be so busy catching up on unfinished case reports for work that he would be unable to meet James for lunch. The following morning was the same letter and the same lie.

With every lie Teddy told, it got easier. As the week went on, Teddy found that the idea of facing James got increasingly more difficult. It wasn’t that Teddy didn’t want to see James, it was that he wasn’t sure he could look James in the eye without fear of blurting out his feelings. He’d never been able to lie to James’s face and he didn’t know how to explain his feelings when even to him they felt overwhelming and out of control, neither of which were feelings Teddy enjoyed. Teddy often prided himself on his ability to control himself—his thoughts, his actions, his desires, even his appearance. Except, apparently, when it came to James.

James, whose very existence made Teddy feel stripped raw, as if the very core of who he was and who he wanted to be were right there, ready to overflow with all the flurry of uncontrolled magic—untamed, wild, and bursting to be free—and fuck, did it terrify Teddy.

He’d known it was only a matter of time before James came barging through the Floo, whether he’d been invited or not. He knew James didn’t buy Teddy’s pathetic excuses. Normally Teddy loved when James popped over unannounced. He liked that James felt comfortable enough in their friendship to come, and that James was the only person besides Harry to know the password to his Floo. _Normally_.

But normally, Teddy didn’t have the overwhelming urge to blurt out, _“Hey James, I fancy you something fierce and want you to stay in my bed and in my heart forever, how about we order in some takeaway and then fuck, or maybe just cuddle because as long as you stay with me I don’t care which one it is.”_

Normally Teddy didn't find himself trying to hide in his own kitchen on a Wednesday evening when his best mate came over. He didn’t normally gulp down the lukewarm coffee he’d already reheated three times while wondering how bad it would be to simply morph himself into someone else and disappear before James found him. Of course, Teddy knew he never would. Of all the disguises Teddy had worn in life, both for work or in trying to figure out who he was, James was the only person Teddy didn’t want to hide a single thing from. This only served to make things more complicated, though, because what the fuck were you supposed to do when you needed your best friend to talk to about your current emotional crisis when your best friend was the cause of that crisis.

“Teddy, where the fuck are you?” James’s voice got closer and Teddy leaned back, the cold countertop digging into his lower back. The tips of Teddy’s hair that were peeking out from beneath his bright yellow hoodie began to turn a shade of pink definitely not found in nature.

Not thirty seconds later, James stalked into his kitchen looking equal parts worried and pissed off.

James was dressed in a pair of skintight dark blue leggings worn beneath a pair of loose-fitting running shorts with a long sleeve white t-shirt that fit James like a second skin and showed off the broadness of his chest and the flat planes of his stomach. His hair was in complete disarray, sticking up in even more directions than usual and there were grass stains on his elbows. He’d clearly come straight from training without even bothering to shower first and Teddy briefly wondered when exactly he’d developed a kink for running clothes because the things he wanted to do seeing James in that outfit couldn’t possibly be considered normal. Then again, nothing about Teddy’s feelings where James was involved could really be considered _normal._ Notfor best mates.

“Hello, Jamie,” Teddy said, lifting his mug up take another drink of his shitty coffee. He’d made it exactly the same way James always made it when he came over, but somehow it tasted watery and flat, which only made Teddy feel even more irritated—though at himself or his pathetic excuse for coffee, he couldn’t be entirely sure.

“ _Hello_. Hello he says after almost a week and a half of ignoring me,” James said, putting his hands on his hips and pursing his lips in an eerie imitation of Ginny when she was about to give one of her children a nice telling off. “You better tell me what’s going on, you absolute hufflefuck.”

Teddy smiled despite himself. Fuck, but he loved James’s candour. Possibly not at this exact moment, since he didn't feel at all up to telling James what was actually going on. But all the same, it was hard to deny that knowing James would always be there to call him on his shit and demand complete honesty felt comforting in a way nothing else had since the moment Teddy had unwrapped the calendar last week. It was comforting to know that, no matter what other things might change, perhaps some things might remain the same. Well, if Teddy didn't go and fuck things up too badly.

“It’s no—”

“Teds, if you say it's nothing I swear to Merlin I will bat-bogey your arse all the way to Shoreditch. I mean it. I’ll do it!”

“I know you will,” Teddy sighed, setting down his mug and shoving both hands into his hoodie pocket. “I’m sorry.”

James’s eyes softened as he took one step closer to Teddy. “Are you alright? Dad told me to stop pestering him and that you weren’t terminally ill or maimed. I even made Albus use what little clout he has as a resident at St Mungo’s to make sure Dad wasn’t lying and that you hadn’t been checked into the spell damage ward recently.”

“You thought I was in the spell damage ward?” Teddy fought back a laugh. James always found a way to assume the most dramatic and improbable possibility was the most likely. “Did you really think Harry would lie to you?”

James narrowed his eyes. “Well, that seemed more plausible than you lying to me.”

Teddy’s stomach soured with guilt. “I really am sorry.”

“Then you admit you were lying to me? And avoiding me?”

Teddy pulled his bottom lip between his teeth before letting it fall out with a sigh. “I just had a lot on my mind.”

“Things you didn’t want to tell me?” James didn’t sound mad when he asked, merely curious, and perhaps more than a little bit hurt.

“It’s not like that, Jamie.” Except it was _exactly_ like that and they both know it.

James shrugged his shoulders, his previous confidence fading as he shoved his hands into his pockets. The movement tugged the loose pair of running shorts down enough that Teddy was greeted with the sight of a sliver of James’s bare skin and the smattering of freckles that dotted James’s hipbone. Teddy wilted under the sight of ever-confident James Sirius Potter letting his guard down like that in front of Teddy—an act that Teddy did not take for granted. He was well aware that James rarely made himself vulnerable to anyone—not even his parents or siblings. He was constantly trying to be what he thought other people wanted or needed him to be.

“Jamie, look at me.”

James swallowed, tearing his eyes from the toes of his trainers up to Teddy’s face. The usual smile was gone and Teddy felt the heavy weight of its absence wrap around his heart.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” James asked. “I won’t judge you or anything. M’not gonna go blabbing your secrets to anyone or telling you what you did was wrong. You know that, right?”  
Teddy did know. It was one of the few things in his life he felt completely certain of. “I know,” he answered.

“Then what’s got you so twisted up, huh? What’s going on that you can’t tell Dad or me? Fuck, just tell me, Teddy. _Please_. Whatever is wrong, I can help, and if I can’t help then...then I’ll find you someone who can.” James was so earnest—his concern as tangible as the first rays of summer sun.

“I’m in love with you,” Teddy said, surprised at how easily the words fell from his lips once he was standing in front of James. Somehow the option of lying was no longer an option at all. Not when faced with James’s soft hazel eyes boring into him with such a well of concern and confusion.

“Oh—that’s,” James swallowed, looking more surprised than Teddy could ever recall seeing him. “Is that all?”

Teddy balked as his mouth fell open. “ _Is that all_?”

James pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he eyed Teddy, slowly closing the distance between them until he was standing just inches from Teddy. He was close enough that Teddy could count every single one of the freckles that dusted the bridge of James’s nose—well, if he hadn't already had the knowledge that were sixty-one of them committed to his memory—could smell the musky aftershave James wore and feel the heat radiating off his body in waves.

“Fuck, for someone so smart you’re so bloody dense sometimes,” he whispered, reaching out to push the hoodie off Teddy’s hair as he wove his fingers into Teddy’s hair. “I’ve been in love with you forever.”

“You— _what?_ ” Teddy asked, his heart beating so fast he thought it might jump out of his chest.

James smiled, twisting a strand of Teddy’s pink hair around his finger. “I said, I’ve been in love with you _forever_.”

Teddy was too surprised to move, too afraid to say the wrong thing or make any sudden movements that might stop James from continuing his current gentle ministrations on Teddy’s hair. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Why didn't _you_?”

“Touché, smart arse.” Teddy laughed softly, delighting in the returning laugh from James it earned him. This didn’t feel so different. This didn’t feel like everything was changing. This was just Teddy and James.

“I thought you knew,” James breathed, dropping his hands from Teddy’s hair. They fell to his sides limply. “I thought you knew. I thought everyone knew. I didn’t think I was doing a very good job of hiding it. Fuck, Teddy, you mean everything to me. You always have. I just thought you didn’t feel the same and that was fine with me. You’re my best mate and if that was all I could have, then that was alright with me so long as you were happy and I got to have you in my life.”

“You thought I knew,” Teddy whispered, and this time it was his hands that came up to cup James’s face. James closed his eyes and exhaled slowly as Teddy ran his thumb across the high arch of James’s cheek. “How in the bloody fuck was I supposed to know?”

“I share my chocolate with you!” James said loudly, looking like he wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or not.

Teddy laughed.

“Fuck, I love you. So much,” Teddy breathed, leaning down to rest his forehead against James’s.

James swallowed loudly. “Wait, so are you telling me you’ve been avoiding me for over a week because you like me too much? Because I’ve got to tell you, that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, Teds.”

“You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”

James shook his head, the curls in the front of his head falling into Teddy’s eyes. “Never.”

“Guess I’ll just have to find a few ways to shut you up then, Jamie.”

“I’d like to see you tr—” But his words were cut off when Teddy moved his hand to James’s chin and tilted it up, bringing their lips together in a kiss that was sweet enough to make Teddy’s toes curl. James hummed into the kiss, rising onto his toes and wrapping both his arms around Teddy’s neck as he attempted to deepen the kiss.

“Oh,” Teddy murmured in between kisses when James rucked his hips against Teddy, the hard line of his rapidly hardening cock rubbing against Teddy’s upper thigh. “James...fuck, James,” Teddy groaned, forcing himself to pull out of the kiss.

James made a high-pitched noise of disappointment, his eyes wide and his lips turning down into an exaggerated pout. “Why did you stop?”

“I just wanted to make sure we weren’t going too fast,” he said breathlessly, eyes riveted on the swell of James’s kiss-flushed lips. James’s tongue came out to drag across his bottom lip, eyes dark with desire as he unwound his arms from Teddy’s neck and moved his hands to the hem of Teddy’s hoodie, slipping his hands underneath. His fingers were warm, the callouses on his right hand where he gripped his broom rough against Teddy’s flesh as he slid them up ever so slowly.

“Want me to slow down, Teddy?” James asked, using his thumbs to press harder as he dragged his hands up. Teddy’s stomach quivered as James’s thumbs turned inward, nails scraping along the light trail of hair just below his belly button. James rose onto the balls of his feet so they were eye to eye, nuzzing Teddy’s cheek with his noise as his warm breath ghosted across the corner of Teddy’s lips. Teddy opened his mouth for a kiss, but James tutted and shook his head, letting his bottom lip drag from Teddy’s chin up to the shell of his ear. “Don’t wanna go too fast.”

“Fuck you,” Teddy groaned. Merlin’s fucking fuck, why the fuck had Teddy been worried they were going too fast? He’d wanted to get his hands on James for years and now James was teasing him and fuck knew he liked it, but right now Teddy thought he might actually die if James kept that up much longer.

“Fucking me sounds awfully fast,” James whispered, sucking Teddy’s earlobe into his mouth. Teddy’s ear’s buzzed with white noise at the action, surprisingly intimate and unexpectedly erotic. Teddy let out an embarrassingly high-pitched noise when James sucked harder, his hands flying up to tightly grab ahold of James’s trim waist.

James stopped sucking, letting Teddy’s earlobe fall from his mouth. Teddy shivered.

“Unless you changed your mind and you want fast,” James said, his voice low and more controlled than Teddy was used to. “You know I’d give you anything you want.”

Fuck, but Teddy did know that. A part of him had always known that. It was one of the things that had scared so much last week after realising just how deep his feelings for James went, because he knew James would never hurt him, but Teddy didn’t know if he could say the same. Teddy’s feelings were often confusing and too big and despite the fact that Teddy’s life had been full of people who loved him, a part of him had always been afraid he’d be doomed to abandon the people he loved, the same way he’d always felt abandoned despite Harry’s and his Gran’s best efforts.

“What do _you_ want, Jamie?” Teddy asked, his thumb stroking across the small bit of exposed skin at James’s hip.

“You,” James answered quickly, as if he didn’t need to think about it at all. “It was always you. Fuck, I can’t believe you didn’t know.”

Teddy swallowed, pressing his cheek to James’s as he tugged him flush against his chest. “You never talk about dating anyone, or fancying anyone, period. For all I knew, you weren’t interested in sex at all and only wanted a career.”

“Not interested in sex.” James made a derisive noise, moving his hands from Teddy’s stomach to his back. His fingers dug into Teddy’s flesh as if James were holding on for dear life, the only indication Teddy had that perhaps James was more affected than he was trying to let on right now. “I didn’t talk about anyone else because I didn’t want anyone else but you.”

Teddy inhaled sharply, a million little puzzle pieces falling into place. It was almost comical the way Teddy had allowed himself to miss what was right in front of him because he was so sure he thought he shouldn’t—or couldn’t—have James. He thought of all the times James had come home after a win to celebrate with a beer and takeaway on Teddy’s sofa instead of going clubbing with his teammates. Thought of James’s red flush any time Molly asked him when he was gonna settle down and bring home a nice young man or woman for Christmas. He thought of all the little things James constantly did for Teddy that went above and beyond the things friends do for each other but that somehow Teddy had managed to convince himself were done because James felt sorry for Teddy. He thought of all the obvious things he’d managed to miss because he was scared, scared that the truth was as simple as James spending all of his free time with Teddy for the same reason Teddy spent his with James—because there wasn’t a single other person who made him as happy.

“Fuck, I’m an idiot,” Teddy laughed, pressing a soft kiss to the side of James’s neck.

James made a soft noise of appreciation, digging his fingers into Teddy’s skin hard enough to leave a mark, clearly trying to get Teddy to continue. “Yeah, but you’re my idiot. And I’m yours.”

“Mine,” he agreed, continuing to trail kisses up the side of James’s neck and delighting in the way James threw his head back to expose his neck for Teddy.

“I would not at all object to getting to the fast bit now,” James said a bit breathlessly, rolling his hips against Teddy in a desperate attempt to get some friction.

“You wouldn’t, would you? How magnanimous of you,” Teddy teased, copying James’s previous actions and letting his bottom lip drag up James’s jawline across the side of James’s face, pressing the chastest kiss to the corner of James’s lips.

James let out a keening noise, his hands slipping out from beneath Teddy’s hoodie to fst desperately in his hair. James pulled him down for a frenzied kiss.

James was exactly the kind of kisser Teddy had always imagined he’d be—bold and confident and more than a bit needys. He made noises into Teddy’s mouth that Teddy couldn’t have dreamed of if he tried.

“Jamie,” Teddy gasped out in between kisses. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”

James pulled out of the kiss, reaching behind his head , grabbing the collar of his shirt and tugging it off in one go. It ruffled his hair, making the sides stick up as he grinned at Teddy, who could do nothing but stare at the rapid rise and fall of James’s chest, which was covered in a sporadic sprinkling of freckles, the most noticeable being a thick cluster around his left nipple that went up and disappeared beneath his armpit.

“It’s not like you’ve never seen me without a shirt before, Teds,” James said, looking equally as pleased as he did smug as he hooked his thumbs in his waistband and began to undress.

“This is different” Teddy said, eyes glued to the breadth of James’s strong thighs dusted in a thin covering of hair and freckles, his erection bobbing between his legs as he finished kicking off his leggings, shorts, and shoes. He stood before Teddy completely naked without preamble or hint of self consciousness.

“I think you’re the one who has too many clothes on now,” James told him, stepping forward.  
Teddy didn’t answer, didn’t need too, because James was already reaching out to grab ahold of the bottom of his hoodie. “Lift your arms,” James instructed.

Teddy obeyed easily, shivering as James ran the palms of his hands up Teddy’s sides and finally up his arms as he removed the hoodie and t-shirt beneath it, tossing them carelessly to the side along with his own abandoned clothing. Teddy blew the hair that fallen into his eyes from his face, briefly noticing the tips turning red as James’s hands moved to his trousers.

“Go ahead,” Teddy said in answer to James’s wordless question.

James sucked his bottom lip between his teeth as his capable fingers undid the button and zipper on Teddy’s jeans. James’s fingers toyed above the waistband of his boxers before slipping beneath the elastic and moving around to the back where he finally slid them inside to cup Teddy’s arse.

“Fuck.” Teddy wanted to say so much more but his mind was racing as fast as his heart and everything in his world was narrowed down to James. James touching him. James wanting him. James loving him back. “Fuck,” he said again, because nothing else he could possibly say would ever encapsulate his happiness.

James let his lip fall from his teeth, blinking at Teddy for a few long seconds before crouching down to tug Teddy’s boxers and jeans off. Teddy could barely breathe as he stepped out of them and stood before James, feeling stripped of more just than his clothing.

James stood, rising one more onto his tiptoes. Teddy felt as if he were caught in the eye of the storm, unable to move. Teddy was no stranger to love, or desire, but he’d never felt the kind of soul-deep belonging that he felt when James looked at him. It made his chest ache and he closed his eyes to stop the swell of emotions as he pulled James against him, kissing him as if his very life depended on it.

James melted against him, his arms wrapping around Teddy’s chest as he rocked against him. At the first brush of their cocks all tentativeness and hesitancy disappeared, replaced by something fierce and primal as Teddy shoved a leg between James’s and dug his fingers into James’s arse, urging him to rub off on him.

“Fucking fuck,” James bit out, gasping into the kiss as he began to rock his hips against Teddy’s thigh, his cock dragging against Teddy with every thrust. It was so good but it wasn’t enough, the friction on his own cock doing nothing more lighting a fire that nothing would be able to extinguish except James. Teddy wanted— _needed_ —more.

He kissed James again, hands digging into his flesh, but it still wasn’t enough.

“What do you want?” James murmured in between kisses. “You can tell me. You know you can,” James coaxed, voice urgent but gentle.

“Want to fuck your thighs,” Teddy ground out, surprised at the desperation in his own voice.

James stopped rutting against him, pulling back just enough to stare at Teddy. James’s hair was in complete disarray, his cheeks tinged pink and his eyes bright. Teddy didn’t expect him to say no, but was still surprised at the the euphoria James’s enthusiastic _“Fuck yes_ ” elicited from him.

They untangled themselves and Teddy bent down to retrieve his wand from his hoodie pocket, so he could retrieve the lube from his bedroom but then James stopped around to grin at him, a smile so toothy and undeniably happy that Teddy was struck with an undeniable sense of rightness. Somehow despite the newness of what they were doing and the fact they he was naked and hard with James in his fucking kitchen, this didn’t feel new. Not really. This was James. His James.

“Come here,” Teddy said, moving to cradle James’s head in his hands as he ducked his head to kiss him without the urgency of before, his lips moving against James’s in slow exploration. James whimpered, body going lax against Teddy.

“Thought,” James started, breaking off on a soft sigh of pleasure when Teddy began to kiss across his cheek and along the curve of his jaw, “thought you wanted to fuck my thighs.”

“I want everything with you,” Teddy said, moving his kisses lower.

“Fuck, Teddy.”

Teddy twined his fingers in the curl at the base of James’s neck as he pressed feather-light kisses across the top of James’s shoulder. “You ready?” he asked, nipping at the dark cluster of freckles just below the hollow of James’s collar bone.

“I’ve been ready for you for years.”

Teddy exhaled a shaky breath as he moved his hands to James’s hips to turn him around, helping to maneuver him over to the kitchen counter. James closed his feet, pushing his arse out towards Teddy and turning his head to wink at Teddy over his shoulder as he clenched his thighs tightly. The dimple in his left arse cheek stood out prominently and Teddy had to resist the urge to drop to his knees and worship the constellation of freckles that surrounded it. But that needed to wait for later—for a moment when Teddy didn’t feel so close to falling over the edge, so he could take his time with James beneath him, spread him open and memorise the map of freckles on the rest of his body and see if James did indeed have them _everywhere_.

Instead, though, he Accioed the lube, eyes fixed on James as he uncorked it and poured a generous amount on the palm of his hand.

“Gonna look all day, or—” but James’s words were cut off when Teddy crowded up behind him, his left hand braced on James’s hip tightly. He stroked his cock twice more with his lubed up right hand before sliding it into the tight heat of James’s thighs.

“Fuck, Jamie,” Teddy whispered reverently, spreading his feet a bit to get his height down to the right angle as he pulled his hips back and then thrust forward, beginning to fuck his thighs in earnest.

The muscles in James’s shoulders tensed and Teddy could see his knuckles turning white on the edge of the counter as he moved his arse back to meet each of Teddy’s thrusts. In no time at all they developed a heady rhythm, the kitchen full of the soft breathy sounds James kept emitting, a stark contrast to the filthy squelching sounds his cock made or the slapping of their sweaty skin every time Teddy’s hips slammed against James.

“Teddy, Teddy please,” James begged, voice low and full of longing. It took Teddy a moment to realise what James was asking for before he moved his right hand from James’s hip to James’s cock and wrapped it around so that with every thrust James forcefully fucked his hands.

It didn’t take long. The feeling of James writhing beneath him made Teddy feel his orgasm building, his thighs and cock tingling before he came with a cry he tried to bury in between James’s shoulder blades.

James whinged, rocking his hips back as Teddy panted against the sharp angle of James’s shoulder bone.

“ _Teddy_.”

It was just one word—just his name—but the intention and the desire was clear as day.

“I’m right here, sweetheart,” Teddy whispered against the back of James’s neck, pressing his nose into the sweat dampened hair that was beginning to curl there. “I’m right here.”

Teddy removed his hands from James’s hips, spreading out his fingers on the flat of James’s stomach as he pulled him back flush against Teddy’s chest. “I’ll always be right here,” he whispered, before sucking hard on the back of James’s neck as he began to stroke his cock again. Three firm strokes and then James choked out a breath, his hands falling from the counter as his entire body shuddered with the force of his release.

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” Teddy murmured, placing another kiss to the line of freckles across the top of James’s shoulders.

James hummed happily, dropping his head back to rest on Teddy’s shoulder. His eyes were closed and there was a smile on his face. “You must really love me if you think I’m perfect,” he laughed, the sound rumbling in his chest as he turned his head to nuzzle at Teddy’s neck.

“I do. I really do,” he answered.

People said love made you blind, but Teddy thought then that he’d never seen James more clearly.

***~*~***

Teddy came to awareness slowly, unsure why his left arm and leg were completely numb until he realised he was not alone in bed. The previous night’s activities rushed to the forefront of his mind. His confession. James’s confession. Fucking in the kitchen. Fucking in the bedroom. Fucking in the shower.

Teddy’s chest fluttered with euphoria as he lifted his right arm to reach over and card his fingers through James hair. James grunted in his sleep, shifting his face as his mouth fell open on Teddy’s shoulder. James’s breath was hot against his shoulder, though not as hot as James’s bare skin. Teddy often teased James about being hot blooded but he’d not at all been prepared for the fact that a naked James in his bed wasis like sleeping with a furnace.

James let out a soft snort in his sleep, a small bit of drool falling from his mouth, and that's when Teddy knew he was pathetically gone for James, because somehow even being drooled and snored on made him happier than he could ever remember being. James slept like a bear in hibernation, dead to the world and heavy as fuck, and somehow it was the greatest thing to ever happen to Teddy.

Teddy twirled a single curl around his fingers, watching the auburn strand of hair twist before he released it watching it spring back. James’s hair was more wild than ever, leaving no doubt that not only did he have a severe case of bed head, he had a massive case of just-fucked hair. The knowledge made Teddy flush with pride.

“Mmm, you look like the kneazle that ate the phoenix,” James mumbled into Teddy’s shoulders, voice laden with sleepiness and his eyes on Teddy. They were heavy lidded, but ripe with happiness.

“I mean, you are one in a million.” Teddy said not caring how cheesy he was being, pleased when James buried his face into Teddy’s chest in a futile attempt to hide his smile. “Did you sleep well?”

James nodded, lifting his face to rest his chin on Teddy’s pec. “Never better.”

“What did you want to do today?” Teddy asked, tracing lazy circles across James’s sleep-warmed skin, delighting in the way James began to shift beneath him. “I’m not working today. We can do anything you want.”

James’s breathing picked up as he began to trace his left hand up and down Teddy’s bare hip in a way that was anything but innocent. “Kinda wanna stay in bed with you all day.”

“We can definitely do that,” Teddy laughed as he rubbed his hand over James’s spine. “Did you want a nap already?”

James snorted, pinching Teddy’s side playfully before scooting to the side to climb atop Teddy. “Now who’s the smart arse?”

Teddy opened his mouth to laugh, but all that came out was hushed groan as James straddled his waist and began to rock their hips together. The early morning sunlight was streaming in through the gap in the curtains, casting a beacon of light that fell across the side of James’s face, his hair looking especially red in the light.

“Had a good dream last night,” James said, back arched in a scene so erotic Teddy knew it would forever be burned in his brain.

“Yeah?” Teddy queried, placing the flats of his palms on James’s thighs as he arched up, his own cock now as hard as James’s.

“Mmm, dreamed I fucked you. Was fucking incredible.”

Teddy’s entire body flooded with warmth and his voice came out low as he said, “You could make it more than a dream. Lube’s in the drawer.”

James’s swallowed, practically flying off of Teddy as he scrambled across his large bed to yank open the drawer in the bedside table. Teddy wasn’t sure if he wanted to complain about the lack of warm friction above him or laugh at the way James’s eyes had lit up the same way they did when he was a kid and Harry had let him had pudding before dinner.

When James didn’t immediately bounce back across the bed, Teddy rolled onto his side, unsure why James was kneeling on the edge of the bed simply staring into the drawer. And then realisation hit Teddy like a hex to the heart.

“Jamie.”

James turned around, the lube in one hand and Teddy’s sullied and wrinkled copy of the charity calendar in the other. “Tedward!”

Teddy groaned, slamming his head back onto the pillow and covering his face with his hands. “Just _Avada Kedavra_ me now,” he mumbled into his fingers.

The bed shifted as James got closer, his knees pressing into Teddy’s sides as his fingers wrapped around Teddy’s and peeled them off his face. “Edward Lupin. Do you wank to my calendar?”

“Define wank.”

James grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling, but there were splotches of pink blooming on his face that let Teddy know there was more than amusement simmering in James. “I wasn’t sure what you’d think of it.”

At this, Teddy removed his hands entirely concern overriding any lingering embarrassment. “Did you think I’d think less of you or something?”

James shook his head, leaning down to give Teddy a sweet kiss. Teddy tried to chase the kiss, but it was too late because James was already moving down the bed, uncorking the lube as he made his way in between Teddy’s spread thighs. “I know it's stupid, since we weren't together, but I felt a bit like...I dunno, like I was cheating on you. Like maybe people would see the calendar and assume it was me saying I was single and I wanted sex, when all I wanted was to raise money and have fun. And you. I wanted you.”

“It’s not stupid,” Teddy said, breath hitching when one of James’s lube-coated fingers began to circle around his entrance.

“Forgot my wand in the kitchen,” James whispered, leaning down to lavish kisses on the soft flesh of Teddy’s stomach while his other hand continued to tease Teddy.

“ _Accio_ wand,” Teddy said, thankful the Aurors required all personnel to learn at least that bit of wandless magic, as his previously discarded wand rose from the pile of clothing in the corner near the laundry bin and soared into his hand. He whispered a few protection and preparation spells, wiggling his hips at the sensation before tossing his wand back to the floor.

“For the record, I liked your calendar,” Teddy assured him.

James’s face turned bright red as he nudged Teddy’s legs up and apart. For all James often teased Albus or Lily or his cousins, he was surprisingly shy about certain things, and a wave of affection assaulted Teddy at the sight of being the one to make James Sirius Potter flush with pleasure like that.

“I did gather that, yeah,” James breathed, kissing the inside of Teddy’s thigh as he slipped a finger inside of Teddy. And then all coherent thoughts left Teddy as James continued to nuzzle the inside of his thigh, sucking and kissing at the delicate skin as he slipped in another finger and moved them in and out of Teddy, twisting and scissoring them until Teddy felt incoherent with desire.

“Jamie. _Please_.”

“Merlin, I never thought I’d hear you say my name like that,” James confessed, pulling his hand out. Teddy didn’t have long to lament the loss because James grabbed the lube and coated his cock before moving back into position. He laid Teddy’s legs over his shoulders and grabbed ahold of the back of Teddy’s thighs as he slowly pressed his cock inside Teddy.

Teddy wasn’t new to sex. He wasn’t new to being fucked, even if it wasn’t something he did regularly. It wasn’t that his previous lowers had been bad, or that his previous sex had somehow been wrong. But all the same, he was intimately aware of the differences between his past experiences and this one. This was James, the man who knew every single side of Teddy and still wanted him more than anything in the world. James, who had always loved the most boring and mundane parts of Teddy as if they were as rare and precious as an occamy egg.

James rocked his hips without breaking a sweat, his face awash in unbridled pleasure as his mouth fell open in tiny moans.

It didn’t take long before James’s eyes screwed up and he came, hips stuttering and fingers digging into Teddy’s flesh with a broken-off cry.

“Fuck, I love you,” James said, reaching out to brush the sweaty hair from Teddy’s eyes, and Teddy was surprised to notice it was its natural shade of light brown.

“I love you too,” Teddy said with a sound of disappointment as James pulled out of him. Then James collapsed beside him on the bed, tugging Teddy onto his side and pressing his lips against Teddy’s as he took Teddy in hand. Teddy would’ve been embarrassed at the speed with which he came, only a handful of strokes and praise from James, but he was too blissed out and relaxed to care. James made him feel good in every possible way and Teddy didn’t see the sense in being ashamed of that.

He let his arm wind around James’s lower back as he attempted to get his breathing under control, unsure if his heart would ever stop feeling as if were going to leap right from his chest around James.

“We’re sticky,” James said suddenly, still peppering Teddy’s face with kisses.

Teddy hummed his agreement, eyes still shut. “We should shower.”

“Shower, then food,” James said, nuzzling the side of Teddy’s face like a kneazle kitten, his hair tickling the shell of Teddy’s ear. “Oh fuck, and I’ve gotta owl Dad later,” James added, now moving his hand in a swirling design near the juncture of Teddy’s hip in a way that made it hard for him to focus, and even harder for him to think about Harry when he had a naked James in his bed. “Mum’s still away with Aunt Hermione and Luna for that girls’ weekend, and I didn't even tell Dad I wouldn’t be coming home last night. Come to think of it, we’ve got to figure out how we want to tell my parents about us. You know I can’t lie for shit. They won’t be upset, but they’ll definitely be surprised.”

“I don’t think you’ll need to worry about your dad being, er, surprised,” Teddy said calmly, the previous day’s conversation with Harry playing through his mind. To his surprise, James’s eyes narrowed and his entire body went still.

“What does that mean?” James asked, poking a finger into the softest part of Teddy’s stomach.

“Let’s just say that I’m about ninety-nine percent sure that Harry already knows, which means Ginny knows, too,” Teddy said.

“ _How_?” James demanded, his earlier blush returning in full force. For someone who had no problem being naked for the entire world, he was surprisingly shy at times.

“Let’s just say there’s probably a reason your dad is Head Auror, and being oblivious is not one of those reasons.”

James lifted one eyebrow in question and Teddy knew there was no getting out of this.

“I might’ve gone to him to ask how he knew he was in love with your mum and he said _things_.”

“Things?” James yelled indignantly, sounding uncannily like Albus. “Oh Merlin, those looks he was giving me yesterday suddenly make so much sense. Oh fuck, my dad knows! I bet he knows we had sex last night, too.”

“James, your dad has your naked charity calendar on his wall. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care if you have sex or who you have it with.”

James didn’t look appeased. “That’s different. That’s...the calendar. That’s just photos. It doesn’t mean anything. Nakedness is just... _nakedness_. Sex is about intimacy and love. It’s only meant to be between us.”

“Oh,” Teddy answered, surprised at the way that knowledge made his heart soar. James was so straightforward and honest and Teddy loved him even more for it. “For what it’s worth I’m pretty sure he’s happy for us. He wants you to be happy. That’s all Harry has ever wanted for any of his kids.”

James sagged, shoving his face into Teddy’s neck. “I am. Happy, I mean.”

“Me too,” Teddy confided. “Me too.”

He pulled James close and kissed the top of his head, delighting in the way they fit together perfectly, not just their bodies, which were intertwined, but their lives as well. He knew there was going to be an adjustment period as some things changed, knew things wouldn’t be miraculously easy just because they were in love. But Harry’s words echoed in his head as he looked down at James in his arms, and knew he wanted to choose James—choose _them_ —every single day.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/goldentruth813) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/goldentruth813).


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